Thursday, April 26, 2012

Harry Potter FF Part Two


The doors to the Great Hall opened and in swept Tam and Wendal like leaves being blown about before a ominous tornado. Faces stricken with panic they made a bead line for Niko and Kal not pausing as they reach them. Instead the boys grabbed Niko and Kal by the arms and hulled them to their feet, rushing them to the opposite side of the Hall towards a smaller door.
“They are coming! The Headmaster and some of the Prefects!” Tam hissed under his breath at Kal's fearful questioning look. “Look! Even the house elves are in a panic.”
Kal barely managed a look over her shoulder to see the scraps of food left on the table disappear before she was shoved through the door. It closed abruptly but not before she caught a glimpse of the Headmaster striding in followed by a few slightly smaller figured in robes, presumably the Prefects as Tam said.
“What do you suppose....” Kal began, bewildered and looked around. They were in a small office with shelves full of books.
“Shhhh!” Tam responded, pressing his finger in warning against her lips while he pressed his ear to the door, listening.
Disconcerted, she looked cross eyed down at his finger which was still there on her mouth. Removing herself from his offending finger she glared at him then shoved Niko out of the way so she could listen in on the conversation inside the Hall too.
“I can't tell what they are saying!” Kal whispered in irritation as she repositioned herself several times before she was yanked back by Niko. He took her place by the door.
Kal was back on him in an instant. Wendal rolled his eyes as Kal and Niko engaged in a brief scuffle.
“Get off you booger!” Kal hissed as Niko pulled on her straggly hair while they rolled around on the floor, bumping into the shelves.
Tam ignored them all and continued to listen intently, leaving it to Wendal to handle them. Wendal did his job faithfully, rolling his eyes as he managed to pull them apart, trapping them both in a headlock.
“Thanks, you guys! Now I am missing what is happening.” Wendal growled at them.
“Sorry Wendal.” Niko simpered apolitically.
Kal sneered at him and reached around Wendal to honk his nose.
“Where are Blu and Ricky?” Tam asked, suddenly there beside them all. “We gotta get going! We've got trouble!”
“Dunno.” Tam answered, swinging his foot behind Wendal to kick Kal in the butt.
It was hard enough to knock her out of Wendal's headlock and propel her forward and onto the floor.
“Ooof!” The sound was knocked out of her.
“Brats.” Tam muttered as he headed towards the hidden panel. He slipped in leaving the others to follow.
Kal was too slow. The panel slipped back automaticly behind Wendal leaving her alone as she got up from the floor. Franticly she looked for the concealed lever that would allow her to re open the passage.
“Well, well, well.” A smooth voice startled her.
Whipping around startled, Kal quickly assumed the position of a Dud when faced with Quality: standing still with head down and eyes lowered.
A Ravenclaw stood before her, the most beautiful girl in the school. Serena Sinclair was everything Kal was not. Long silky black hair framed a perfect face that was graced with wide blue eyes fringed with long black eyelashes that had all the boys besotted. Soft pink lips formed in a mocking smile as Serena took in the pathetic figure before her.
“What have we here?” She asked as she walked closer, her voice was as lovely as she was. “Seems the rats are out to play.”
Kal said nothing as it was forbidden.
“On your knees Dud!” Serena demanded, every inch a princess. “I have need of that book up there.”
Kal knew the girl could have gotten the book herself using her wand, if indeed she wanted the book in the first place. But that was not Serena's objective and Kal knew that. Without hesitation she got on her hands and knees. She had done this before. All she had to do was everything demanded of her quietly and then she was sure she would be left alone. Cruel jabs to her back told her this would not be a quick episode but a long torturous one. Even though she was tiny and light in weight, the heels of Serena's boots dug into her back as she took her time getting the book. Beads of sweat lined Kal's tense face as she breathed carefully, struggling to keep still and keep Serena supported. It would be to her further harm if anything bad happened to Serena, who was so dearly loved and admired by everyone.
But Serena had other plans. As if a careless gesture, she let her wand slip from her fingers and fall onto Kal. The reaction was instantaneous.  Sparks spit out of the wand, a typical reaction when a Dud came in contact with any wand. Burning pain shot through Kal where ever the sparks landed; her head, face, back and arms. Try as she might she could not keep from flinching and crying out a scream of terror and anguish. The impact of her movement sent Serena teetering precariously on her back, the booted heals doing further injury.  Even through her agony Kal experienced a dread as she became aware that Serena had fallen off her bony back. It didn’t matter that Serena was ok and had landed safely in a soft sofa chair. The penalty for failing a Quality would be a harsh one. Fear manifested in large quantities as she looked at Serena’s smug features. It became apparent to her then that this was all that Serena had wanted. But why? The answer came a few moments later.
In walked a tall robed figure, the Prefect from Ravenclaw. At the sight of him Serena’s gorgeous blue eyes filled with tears and her body racked with sobs. In a rush the prefect was at her side. Tenderly he gathered her up in his arms.
“Serena, my dear! What happened?”
Kal should have made her move then and fled from them both towards safety. But she was transfixed to the spot where she sat huddled, trying to recover from the pain.  She knew who this was. In awe she had often watched him from the shadows. Even though he was young his fame was spreading across the wizarding world as a master poet, writer, and Quidditch player. Everything he did was like gold. He was the Purple Poet. His name was too good to be spoken by the likes of her.
“Oh, Octaboona!” Serena sobbed delicately into his shoulder. “That THING! That Dud attacked me!” Serena pointed dramatically towards the wretched figure on the ground.
Octaboona barely gave the woebegone figure a glace. Instead he picked her up and carried her from the room.
“There, there. It will be alright. Lets first get you back in the dorm then I will deal with the Dud later.” He assured her in soft tones.
He walked out through the second door, the same one Serena had entered in earlier.  It led out into a side hall which led into the main one.  In a quick pace he rounded the corner and almost ran smack into a fellow Ravenclaw. The boy was smiling a very pleased smile while straightening his tie. Octa noticed a few lipstick marks on his face. Suspicious he glanced the other way just in time to see a beautiful redhead disappearing though another door.
“Well, this seems to be a night in which the Ravenclaws are playing about rather then studying.” Octa teased with raised eyebrows.
“Speak for yourself, Octaboona.” Niall retorted, eyeing Serena in his arms pointedly.
“Hello Niall.” Serena smiled coyly and winked at him.
“Hello Serena.” Niall returned cordially but went no further.
It seemed he was one of few boys in school who were not smitten with her. For only an instant she pouted while thinking dark thoughts against Venice, the love of Niall. Then she tried another tactic.
“Oh, Niall! I was just attacked by a Dud!”
Niall raised his eyebrows in question at Octaboona.
“It’s true.” Octa replied grimly. “I saw the Dud myself just now. I will take care of it but first must get Serena back to the dormitory. She has had a nasty shock.”
“Why don’t you let me take care of it Octaboona.” Niall said as he pulled out his wand, striding back towards from where Octaboona had come. “You take care of Serena. If you see Ven please tell her I will be along shortly.”
Before Octa had a chance to answer, Niall was walking away with his wand ready.
By the time he got to the room where the sighting of a Dud had been, he saw no sign of it. One thing he knew and that was if the Duds were making themselves more known to the rest of Hogwarts, it would spell trouble for all of them, especially with the International Quidditch competition happening the next week. So may things were happening at once and the Ministry of Magic was placing it all on Hogwarts to be a perfect host to all the delegates who would come. Nothing could go wrong.

Just on the other side of the room, Kal hid in the passageway peering out at the dark haired boy who had come in with a determined look on his face. Shuddering she was glad she had made it backing time to the passageway. Turning away she limped back down the dark tunnel to where the rest of her mates were, holding burned arms around her sore middle.
When she got back to the dungeon that was home, she saw with relief that both Ricky and Blu were back. Both were the Dud’s newest additions. Still very young the two girls found them selves taken under Kal’s wing. So far they had managed to escape the wrath and humiliation of being a Dud. Kal hoped to keep it that way.
All eyes were on her as she gingerly made her way to the corner she had long claimed as her own. With a shuddering sigh she sank against the damp wall carefully, but she did not cry. Long ago it had been decided that tears were a wasted thing and while there was always encouragement to stay away from the Quality, there was no comfort when one failed and became an object of ridicule. Comfort bred the belief that one was important and thinking that one was important would lead to more crushing shame and grief. So Kal sat in her corner quietly while the others talked among themselves about what Tam had overheard.
“As we all know in a few days it will be Parent’s day then the Quidditch Tournaments. I have said it once and will say it again. Stay in the passageways. Do not attempt to go out into the open, even if the shadows appear deep and thick. There will be too many people about.” Tam urged them all.
“What about food?” Blue asked with big eyes.
Kal snuck a sidelong glance at the eleven year old girl wondering for the thousandth time of how it would have been so different for the girl had she not gotten burned as a toddler. Remnants of a beauty still hung about Blu’s tiny face marred by the scar across her features. Not wanting to look at her again Blu’s mother had sent her away to an orphanage, taking away even her name. Blu had gotten her  new name for the color she had turned while waiting outside the orphanage’s doors in the cold.
“We have been through tougher times Blu.” Tam spoke firmly to her. “We will stock pile what we can for the next few days so that we can be prepared. But if you are not careful you will become like Kal.”
Kal raised her head then and glared at him.
“I WILL make things better for them. Just you wait and see!”
“Go to bed Kal.” Wendal advised and laid himself down on his cot. “It’s impossible to be something that you are not. Can’t fight destiny. Now lets all get some sleep.”
Like lambs everyone did as Wendal suggested. Except for Kal. She sat all night with aching head in her hand thinking about her dream.
Early the next morning while the others waiting on the passageway like carrion crows for the Quality to finish their delicious breakfast and leave, Kal snuck towards the classroom where potions were taught. All she needed was a few supplies. She had read all about it in a book cast off long ago. If done right, the potion would aid her in a disguise to escape her treacherous life. If she was lucky, maybe she could get close to the Purple Poet.
Suddenly a shout ripped through the Hall echoing alarmingly. Kal whirled around in fear and shock that she had been caught. Then suddenly she was knocked into the air and tossed back into the hard floor of the castle. Gasping for air she struggled to remain conscious despite the pain in her head. It overtook every other injury at that moment.
A girl with long brown hair stood over her with a look of concern.
“Sorry about that.” She said in a friendly voice. 
“You are American.” Kal spoke, stunning herself with her nerve. She had just spoken to a Quality!
“I am!” The girl responded with a smile, apparently unaware she was talking with a Dud.
She must be new, Kal thought as she tried to sit up. Observing the girl, Kal noticed she was wearing the colors of a Slytherin.
“I am so sorry you got hurt.” The girl said with sympathy as she helped Kal up. “I was just messing around with a couple other friends. I guess we got a little carried away.”
The girl was joined by a couple Gryffindors and a Hufflepuff.
“There is a big match this weekend and I heard that talent scouts for Internationals teams are going to be watching, maybe to recruit.” The girl rattled on as she dusted Kal off.
“Uh, Lizzy.” One girl said under her breath to the Slytherin. “That is a Dud.”
“A Dud?” The girl, Lizzy laughed. “What’s a dud? You mean a milk dud?”
“A Dud is a witch or wizard who has a little bit of magic but no talent or power to wield it.” The Hufflepuff answered.
The Hufflepuff was tiny and appeared to be wearing glitter anywhere she could.
“That’s nonsense Mar and Lego. You don’t really believe that do you? What about  you, Thalia?”
The third girl who had approached looked up then from a book she was reading.
“What?” She asked, startled looking up from her book. “Where are we? How did I end up here?”
“I didn’t come up with it.” Lego shrugged. “I was just told about them when I arrived here. Never did see one before though.”
“You should be more careful with that blunger, Mar.” Lizzy said to the other girl as she jumped up to get the still bouncing ball from mid air. “Besides, your little stunt did nothing to impress me with your skills. I will still beat you in tomorrow’s game!”
Lizzy smiled mischievously as she looked at her friend, the Gryffindor’s Seeker.
Mar just grinned back wickedly and skipped off.  “We will see about that Lizzy, dear! Good luck with the Dud!”
Thalia wandered off after Mar immersed back in the book. Lego shrugged and walked off after them.
“You coming, Lizzy?” She asked, hopefully.
“Yep. In just a moment.” Lizzy said as she studied the Dud in front of her.
“I know!” Lizzy piped up suddenly making Kal jump.
She had kind of hoped Lizzy’s attention would go elsewhere and she could escape.
Instead Lizzy took out her wand and pointed it at Kal. The Dud felt her insides turned to jello in fear.
Then Lizzy did the unthinkable. She called out a spell, waved her wand with a flourish and all the missing hair on Kal’s head reappeared.
One of the Quality had just helped her; a Dud!
“I don’t know what happened to make your hair all spazzed out sweetie. But I recommend you avoid all that from now on!” Lizzy smiled and winked.
A second burst of light suddenly appeared and struck Kal in the head.
“This school needs more sparkle.” Lego said from up ahead where she was peering around the corner, eyeing them all with a matter of fact expression. Her wand was lowed after a job well done.
“Oh, Lego!” Lizzy cried out in astonishment as she viewed Lego’s handiwork. “You turned her hair PURPLE! And SPARKLY!”
“What is wrong with that?” Lego asked mildly as she inspected her own sparkly fingernails.
An announcement broke in on their interlude then by one of Hogwarts staff, speaking through magic so that she could be heard by everyone everywhere.
“All students are to meet back in the Great Hall in an hour to meet up with parents.” The voice said then droned on. “Also, would Legolas please refrain form using the sparkle spell to make Hogwarts glitter. All Herbology students in the advanced course are asked to come to the class room immediately to assist Professor Sprout in stopping the spelled tulips from dancing and creating further havoc. That is all.”
“Oh, Lego! You didn’t!” Lizzy cried out in a cross between admiration and shocked as Lego walked back towards her friend.
“I was bored.” Lego shrugged. “I really didn’t mean to make the tulips dance. I was just trying to change them all into ponies. We need ponies here. Pretty sparkly ones!”
Lizzy laughed and they high fived with their wands.
“We better get going if we don’t want to be late.” Lizzy said as she raced down the hall where Mar and Thalia had disappeared a few minutes ago. “You coming?”
She had stopped long enough to look at a dazed Kal who was busy running her hands through her newly restored purple sparkly hair.
“I…I…I am not allowed.” Kal stammered humbly looking down once again.
“Nonsense.” Lizzy said, walking back to her while taking off her robe. “Here, take this and wear it. I have another I can use. Live a little, girl. You can’t go back to the shadows now. Your hair is all purple and sparkly!”
“What IS your name, Dud?” Lego asked, not unkindly.
“Kal.” She answered simply.
“No. Not Kal, but Kallista.” Lego decided for the Dud. “Kallista means beautiful. Your hair is beautiful now. Better take the time to enjoy it now cause the Sparkle spell wears off after a couple hours.”
Kal watched in disbelief as Lizzy and Lego walked off. The whole encounter had just given her another idea, one she was sure would not fail, but she would need to act soon.

Monday, April 23, 2012

Harry Potter FF


There is a House of Hogwarts that is unspoken of; it is the invisible 5th house. For most people there is no knowledge of us, because technically we do not exist. But I am real. My fellow “classmates” are real. In the shadows we lurk, watching, always careful not to get caught for it is forbidden that we be exposed to the Quality students of Hogwarts. We are known by the few simply as the Rejects, or the Duds. In our House there are now only six of us. Once there was a seventh: a girl named Lena. She was sixteen when I first arrived. Then one day she was taken from us and we never saw her again. There are rumors that once we reach a certain age, we are then available for anything that the Ministry of Magic wants to do with us, things that are not suitable for any human nor which anyone would want to do to an animal, they being cute and worth something. Experiments, testing, and sometimes we are even used as bait when traps are set in the capture of wild, magical, and dangerous creatures such as dragons and werewolves.
The ones who are left in our small group are Ricky, Tam, Wendal, Blu, Niko, and me. We don't have last names for none of us have families. Some were born without families. Others like me were unwanted and cast off as soon as possible, a blight in the good family name.
Here are some facts about us. Our “House” colours are shades of grays. All that means is that we wear the cast off clothing of the poorest people and only in dark or gray colors. No bright colors are allowed. It would do us no good to be noticed. Being noticed brings more pain and harm.
We have no fine robes to put on. There is no need as we are not allowed access of the classrooms. We have no wands for no wands would choose us .The last time one of us had tried to hold a wand, it zapped us.
Our “House” is located in one of the dungeons. It is the farthest dungeon located deep underground of the castle. It is forgotten as we are.
Born with a touch of magic but with no talent the Sorting Hat had rejected us before it touched our heads. I will never forget the isolation and shame as I had to walk back down the great Hall by myself several years ago after being rejected by all the great houses. All eyes had averted from me and suddenly I existed no more.
Yet I was not allowed to leave. Just that little bit of magic that I had, that my fellow mates had, could prove to be trouble some for the rest of the magical community and muggle community alike. We had to be contained and stowed a way. We are an eyesore that must be hidden away. These are our stories.

Kal looked up from where she has been writing by the light of a single candlestick and blinked her bleary eyes. Everyone else had gone. Probably to the Great Hall, she thought to herself as her stomach rumbled. Often, she and her fellow Duds would sneak to the Great Hall and glean crumbs left from the feast for the Quality. If she didn't hurry, she would go hungry for another day. Gingerly she set the faded diary down, careful of her burned hands, the result of a wand not wanting to be handled by a Dud.
Making her way slowly down the narrow dark passageway, she kept to the shadows mindful of the pain in her chest. With labored breath she struggled up the stairs, the events of that afternoon still fresh on her mind. She had meant to write them down before she forgot. It was for other Duds that she wrote for least they go through some of the events she and her other “House” mates went through.
Earlier that afternoon she had not been as careful as she should have been. Caught by a group of Slytherin students she had become a target for spell practice. Forced to endure spell after spell she had kept silent while they laughed.  When they were done she had lain quietly on the ground until they were gone.
Holding tightly to her side she wondered if it was worth it to continue to climb up the stairs for some food. More growling from her stomach answered her silent question. It seemed that not even a few possibly cracked ribs could keep her appetite away. Ignoring the cold hard stone under her bruised bare feet she pressed on.
At this time of day, the hallways of Hogwarts were empty, most of the Quality and staff were in their own dormitories, studying and relaxing. Even so Kal didn’t trust the safety of the shadows. Taking the hidden tunnels that so few knew about was the best choice. Along the way there were peep holes where spies of old would listen in on conversations. Now Kal used them to see if the coast was clear. Seeing no one around she opened the secret panel that was across from the doors of the Great Hall. Double checking to make sure no one was around she scurried like a rat across the floor and entered in cautiously. The sounds of food consumption could be heard and she knew before turning around she would see her companions sitting there on the floor surrounded by the scraps they had found. She hoped there would be some left for her.
“Bout time you got here Kal!” Niko grinned with mouthful of chicken. “If you don’t hurry the House Elves are gonna come and take away the rest of the food.”
His raggedy appearance was the same as hers. Thin and pale, his dark hair was a wild mass of tangles. Once she had tried to comb her own hair in an attempt to look presentable much to the enjoyment of the others. It had not worked. Instead the brush got knotted in her hair and she ended up having to hack away at sections of her wild mane. Now she was bald in some spots with a few remaining long strands of dark hair that half covered her awkward face.
Swiping a piece of bread she made her way over to him, always mindful of her surroundings.
“Where are the others?” She asked in a hushed tone as she sat down next to him.
“Already done eaten.” Niko said as he stole half her bread.
She made no move to recover it. Her sides were hurting so badly.
“I am so tired of this.” She murmured glumly.
“Of what?” Niko asked, unconcerned. His focus was now on a beautiful juicy red apple.
“I am tired of living this way.” She answered as she looked up at the darkened high ceiling.
Earlier she knew it had been alight with thousands of floating candles. Warm, bright, and magical the Great Hall had been inviting. Now it was cold, dank, and dark.
“No use thinking about it Kal.” He shrugged. “It’s our lot. Ain’t nothing is gonna change. By the way, you are more banged up then usual. Was it Slytherin this time? Or was it Ravenclaw like last time?”
He laughed at her while shaking his head. “You need to be more careful.”
“I thought I WAS being careful.” She retorted and angrily stuffed the bread into her mouth. “And I WILL make things change. Just you wait and see!”
Talking with her mouth full while making bold statements did not agree with her.  Lurching forward, her body racked with spasms as she coughed and choked.
Niko patted her back with a look of alarm. His eyes swept towards the door nervously.
“Kal! You are gonna get us caught!” He hissed.
But even as her violent coughing subsided he knew it was too late. The grand doors of the Great hall were opening. Someone was coming!

Sunday, April 22, 2012

For Aquila

Aquila. HEre is the Hufflepuff welcom letter.



ongratulations! I’m Prefect Gabriel Truman, and I’m delighted to welcome you to HUFFLEPUFF HOUSE. Our emblem is the badger, an animal that is often underestimated, because it lives quietly until attacked, but which, when provoked, can fight off animals much larger than itself, including wolves. Our house colours are yellow and black, and our common room lies one floor below the ground, on the same corridor as the kitchens.
Now, there are a few things you should know about Hufflepuff house. First of all, let’s deal with a perennial myth about the place, which is that we’re the least clever house. WRONG. Hufflepuff is certainly the least boastful house, but we’ve produced just as many brilliant witches and wizards as any other. Want proof? Look up Grogan Stump, one of the most popular Ministers for Magic of all time. He was a Hufflepuff – as were the successful Ministers Artemesia Lufkin and Dugald McPhail. Then there’s the world authority on magical creatures, Newt Scamander; Bridget Wenlock, the famous thirteenth-century Arithmancer who first discovered the magical properties of the number seven, and Hengist of Woodcroft, who founded the all-wizarding village of Hogsmeade, which lies very near Hogwarts School. Hufflepuffs all.
So, as you can see, we’ve produced more than our fair share of powerful, brilliant and daring witches and wizards, but, just because we don’t shout about it, we don’t get the credit we deserve. Ravenclaws, in particular, assume that any outstanding achiever must have come from their house. I got into big trouble during my third year for duelling a Ravenclaw prefect who insisted that Bridget Wenlock had come from his house, not mine. I should have got a week of detentions, but Professor Sprout let me off with a warning and a box of coconut ice.
Hufflepuffs are trustworthy and loyal. We don’t shoot our mouths off, but cross us at your peril; like our emblem, the badger, we will protect ourselves, our friends and our families against all-comers. Nobody intimidates us.
However, it’s true that Hufflepuff is a bit lacking in one area. We’ve produced the fewest Dark wizards of any house in this school. Of course, you’d expect Slytherin to churn out evil-doers, seeing as they’ve never heard of fair play and prefer cheating over hard work any day, but even Gryffindor (the house we get on best with) has produced a few dodgy characters.
What else do you need to know? Oh yes, the entrance to the common room is concealed in a stack of large barrels in a nook on the right hand side of the kitchen corridor. Tap the barrel two from the bottom, middle of the second row, in the rhythm of ‘Helga Hufflepuff’, and the lid will swing open. We are the only house at Hogwarts that also has a repelling device for would-be intruders. If the wrong lid is tapped, or if the rhythm of the tapping is wrong, the illegal entrant is doused in vinegar.
You will hear other houses boast of their security arrangements, but it so happens that in more than a thousand years, the Hufflepuff common room and dormitories have never been seen by outsiders. Like badgers, we know exactly how to lie low – and how to defend ourselves.
Once you’ve opened the barrel, crawl inside and along the passageway behind it, and you will emerge into the cosiest common room of them all. It is round and earthy and low-ceilinged; it always feels sunny, and its circular windows have a view of rippling grass and dandelions.
There is a lot of burnished copper about the place, and many plants, which either hang from the ceiling or sit on the windowsills. Our Head of house, Professor Pomona Sprout, is Head of Herbology, and she brings the most interesting specimens (some of which dance and talk) to decorate our room – one reason why Hufflepuffs are often very good at Herbology. Our overstuffed sofas and chairs are upholstered in yellow and black, and our dormitories are reached through round doors in the walls of the common room. Copper lamps cast a warm light over our four-posters, all of which are covered in patchwork quilts, and copper bed warmers hang on the walls, should you have cold feet.
Our house ghost is the friendliest of them all: the Fat Friar. You’ll recognise him easily enough; he’s plump and wears monk’s robes, and he’s very helpful if you get lost or are in any kind of trouble.
I think that’s nearly everything. I must say, I hope some of you are good Quidditch players. Hufflepuff hasn’t done as well as I’d like in the Quidditch tournament lately.
You should sleep comfortably. We’re protected from storms and wind down in our dormitories; we never have the disturbed nights those in the towers sometimes experience.
And once again: congratulations on becoming a member of the friendliest, most decent and most tenacious house of them all.

Monday, April 9, 2012

For my beloved blog/chat family. We can all do better!

I don't know what to say. Maybe it will come to me as I write. All I know right now is that people are getting hurt and keep getting hurt on the chat. It's happening to EVERYONE: Not just the people who are directly involved. Innocent people come in and are made to be involved when they don't want to be.

My thoughts on this from what I have seen and observed over time is that sometimes we are all mean and cruel to one another.

Some people on here like to debate. But it's mean to debate with a person who comes on and is already frustrated with things in their life and just wanted to be with friends and share and be heard. I feel it is pretty careless to start a debate with someone like that who is needing compassion and a listening ear. It takes them by surprise when a debate starts or his/her pain is turned into an “opinion.” Then when their pain is measured out against that of the world (example, by saying that people in Africa are starving and homeless). While that is true, why are we making some one in their teens feel bad about feeling bad? You are implying that they are being selfish and making them take responsibility for HUGE world problems that they didn't start nor can they take o n by themselves. I don't wanna hear that you are trying to give them perspective. That can come later. Why not just LISTEN and UNDERSTAND? It's what you would want when dealing with hard things. Many of you HAVE gotten that from each other here. ALL of you are capable of great things but I tell you that it all begins with being humane to one another in the most simplest and easiest tasks. Listening and understanding. You may not always agree with some one. But remember, you are not that person. It is wrong to judge how they should feel. I have seen some one go through something, get sympathy for it and then they move on. Yet when some one else goes through something the same, that person who got the sympathy is not debating that other person, provoking them, giving them EVERYTHING but a listening ear, compassion and understanding. We don't have to solve the problems of others. But as friends and humans, we can be a shoulder for them to be strengthened and that only happens when some one is listened to and understood. No wonder things get worse. Of course a person will get angrier when misunderstood, not listened too. I know I have. Have seen some of the older ones do that too.

As for how there are bigger problems in the world, again YES! There are. But don't demean any one because of it especially a young/younger person then you/ We can only get stronger if we stand together in understanding. For me, I can become stronger and I can learn by myself once I have seen that I am not alone because some one took the time to be kind and understand me. Would you not feel stronger too? Am I so different then you?

Once we are stronger and have become confident and overcome that which has previously hindered us, we can have the strengthen and confidence to tackle those bigger problems. We will be stronger cause we know we are not alone and we have had been given understanding and help and now can give it to others. How can a person who is robbed of such things give to others when they are empty of this? This is not a debate folks. There is a time an place for debates. It's best when both people are who eve ris involved is in agreement to do a debate,. Quite springing debated up on younger unsuspecting people who need a lightening ear and understanding. (and for any age really)

I want to bring up Venice another chatter. Some have had problems with her. But she is the only one to say that she has been wrong in the past ans is sorry for it,. I don't see the same courtesy being returned to her. She is not a bitch. Nor is she an anything negative, anymore then the rest of you are. In fact her mind is brilliant and she is a person who defends others. All of us can be bitches or ass holes at times. When we focus all on one person it is cruel and unfair. You forget the good in the person. Aquila, Dragona, Ven, Pink, Flame, and myself are just some of the people who have been slandered. I am not saying no one should get upset when they are wronged. Just be careful of what you do when you are angry. Each situation is different ans should never be generalized just to make someone feel better. Sometimes both parties (or who ever is involved) are wrong. Sometimes only one is wrong and one is right. Should the one who is right be made to feel wrong just to be fair to the one who is wrong? Where is the justice or kindness in that? The one who was right was just brought low.

The thing is, each of us need to remember something. It's hard in the heat of anger. I know cause I have had to wrestle with it. Some of the people you are angry at are younger then you. Even if they are right in being angry they should not take it out o n anyone. But some times a person just needs to rant and not be stopped. I can't ask anyone to understand this. But for me I do. I know the extreme pain and frustration and grief of some things that are agonizing. You may want to point out that people go through worse things then me but I will tell you that I my pain is great enough and to hard to bare at times. I need not tell you what it is. Just know that I know what it's like to go off the depend and be alone and rejected even more. I have let myself become a punching bag for some because of this. I will never ask anyone else to d that cause this involves a deep understanding of the other person's agony and some may not know what it is like.

There si some bulling going on the chats. People doing that should stop. I know some of you are hurting and have not only not gotten the help you needed from those who you trusted and believed in, but you have had to endure those debates and opinions people like to throw at you and there is that subtle ridicule that some people do. I deal with that and more at my house where I live. But getting angry and”punishing” these people or taking “revenge” will not hurt these people but you yourselves. I have learned tat from experience. The hurtful people usually take pride in themselves and won't ever admit to hurting you even is you were there in person and bleeding. Somehow people believe their own lies about such things. I suggest leaving for a bit and going to a place to rant. Write stuff down and hopefully there will be at least one person who you can trust to not further harm you and just LISTEN to you and understand. What ever you right about or rant about, make sure you don't use it to fuel as a weapon against the one who hurt you. That will do no one any good. It will make things more sad and horrible. It's really hard not blow up at a person when wronged and then wronged again. Some people may never change form being a hurtful person.

There is another chat open for people who need space yet want to be in access of others. It was agreed by some that this would be a refuge for people who needed it. It is not for anyone else to set a time for that person for how long they should be on or what they can say on it. That is being controlling. Also just because you may not understand why a person is there does not mean a person does not have a reason. They do and it's important. If you can't understand, well, I hope in time your capabilities to understand will become better. In the meantime. Relax. No stressing. Give people the time they needed



we are more then just letters on a screen or paper. I have said this before. Why is this form of communicating being viewed so lightly and not important is bewildering to me. It has been said by scholars and many others for a long time at how powerful the written word it. Letters by post have always endured one t o another because of the bond forged in writing. Communicating by writing letter, emails, and chat are very effective and often a person gets to know another in a shorter more deep way then if two people where in the same room together talking. I am more then letters on a screen. I am a human being who feels deeply and cares deeply and who is deeply flawed. I am taken far too lightly as it is. But when I am serious in my writings how ever they come, I hope it will be more then words to those who read it, (my blog family) but a connection that you will relate too. I am a human being.

Bye the way, when I say you (as I write this) I am not speaking directly to “YOU” the reader or to any one person. Just really tired and trying to get some thoughts across and help those who said they needed help.

I have been both the person who has been hurt and the person who hurt:on the chats, blogs, and in my owe blasted life. (you guys and Octa, especially Octa, are the only good things in me life. I want to do what I can to help you all). But you all have to be honest with yourselves too. You may be able to fool yourself but you can't fool everyone. I live with both my parents and have had enough junk from m y parents. I have a hard time when some people act like them. You are all better then that.

I will beg you all. PLEASE NO MORE NAME CALLIN, POINTING FINGERS, OR CONTROLLING OTHERS! PLEEASE! Don't make me choose between you cause I can not and will not. Please don't hurt each other anymore. This is all for now. I feel like collapsing.

OK. This is an add on. Something to concider. In my life before I met you all some of the worse things in my  life had happened. SOme of you know a bit of it. I don't want to discuss or share that info with those who di not et know. What I wanted to share was how I had to endure one of the things I feared and dreaded most of all. Despite  being a person who obeyed the rules, respected those in authority,(even when I was mocked, ridiculed and frustrated and confused) I found myself the object of unfavor with people from all sides. I had been gaineged up unjustly before. This was so much  a higher level then that. it has scared me for life. I can move on but I am so wounded. I wish I could be un derstood and not fear that I will have to beg for you t obelieve me or understand. BEcause in those moments, (ther were many and long days) I stood   b y myself and had no defenses. No one really helped or guided me. I fell so far. Meeting all of you has been wonderful. Even despite the bad times. We can all gte through that and I see so  much wonderful things in each of you. Things that I love but don't see in those who I live with.
But what I I hoped would never happen to me did on the blogs too. I was placed in a situation just like I did in real life. This time I did have a handful of people who truely loved me (or seemed too) But they all had been gone from chat for a while. I was  on my own. All I did was express myself in a way I rarely (it was not wrong) do but in a way that others on chat do daily. I was lectured and then to my shock misunderstood. My attempts to be understood did not work. My nightmere was happening again. Trying to keep calm (but failing) I tried to appeal to others to help convay what I was feeling. I thought surely someone would understand. I tried to send proof of what went down because my mind was shutting down again and I could not trust myself to explain it rightly. Also, I wanted  to make sure people knew I was not making things up. I never had someone just believe me but have had to show some sort of proof of what I say is how an event whent down,. Not just some pome point of view. Having what I say being so easily disgarded because some one wanted to view me as a person who only sees things one way is damaging. I do think of  the other person. It's the oppiste for me though. I have lived it to many times. I am alone. Not by choice. I even fight to be undestood when it should be a simple matter.
But the misunderstandings got worse.  Again, not having the skill to come across as I mean, someone thought I wanted others to gain up on the people who had gained up on me. All I wanted was understad ing and support. But I was alone, misunderstood, treated as I did wrong when I did nothing wrong. I was called a bitch and some other things. People talked about me mean behind my back while I was doing a lousy job of trying to just be  understood. It  made me feel more alone then ever and once again I questioned for the one millionth time, what the heck was so wrong with me that such basic rights and understanding is not only with held from me, but I am made to bare responsibilities and am alone? Even now I think it is to much to hope that anone will understand. I think by now you all should see why I am such a fail. The only one who helped me and stood up for me   (because he was around. I know ithers would have too) is Hellboy. I have never been given such a gift like that. Being completely understood and not only did he not leave me or explain away others behavior (cause that does not help and misses the point) he was angry for me. I WAS NOT ALONE ANYMORE! The relief and graditude I have for him will last forever into eternity. So many people, at best are defending the other person who has hurt me and was not alone in being unfairly against me. (and yes, I am being objective when I say this. For I knwo when I am wrong, I do concider. But I also know when I have been unfairly treated and have had to bare it alwasy alone) No one ever siad sorry to me and that yes, they do stuff like that too (for what i was and should not have been lectured  ror treated so carelessly) and when they do it it was just part of normal chat nad ok. Despite the incredible hurt of this unfair treatment here. I have gone on and have not used it against anyone. It was used against me and it should not be used against anyone. I share this because I wnat to make sur e you knwo I was hurt very badly in mor ethen this situation. No one except Hellboy stood by me, not to gain up on people, but to hold me up. THAT is all I ever wanted,. To be u nderstood and not alone. I did not get an apolidy but gave one instead. The view agaisnt me remained unfairly rigid and not one word that I said on my behalf was listened to or believed. If they had understood me, then the unfair rigid view they had would have not been there.
Some of you may not ever get apoligies for being hurt. I did not. I give them instead. It is not for anyone to demand an apoligy even if they are owned one. Demanding from a person will make things worse. For that very event I just described, something else happened that I didn't want to happen.  Another person was gained up on. They may have hurt other people and refused to listen to that, but making anyone feel like an outcast was not the way to go. I was not with it when that happened. I felt weak, dissy, and tired. I could see it startng too happen though and reached out with a hug, was rejected, then my overture of friendship was completely ignored. After that I just wanted to go away I was so dismayed. Later I was held acountable for all that  happened to that person. I marveled at how some people don't have to say or do anything but can get some one to stand with them just like that. Even if they have hurt and never been sorry. On many leavels it was u nfair to me. But it was also wrong that this person was made to feel that way, even if they brought it on themselves. As a person who has had to stand alone to many times in the worst of situations, I did not want that to happen to another. Many of you will most likely not believe me in this.  But it's  the truth. It is really quite a strange thing to thik that if anyone where to hurt me that anyone would care enough to say, hey, that's wrong. Stop that. Most liekly what would happne and does is that I will be lectured and told that I need to  understand the other person and so forth.  (again, THANK YOU  HELLBOY  for being there!)
But now with other things happening on the chat, I am being talked to as if I should take sides with people. Consider what I have just shared with you all. When I was treated shabbily, then further misunderstood, then  made to bare the blame for every thing,  I still kept  coming on. Even when I was s o tired of it all, (life in genreal and the pain of being alone everywhere) I wanted to go to sleep and die. I will go on and I won't take side. I will understand where you are coming from in  your complaint. But if you call someone a name or wish harm or death on another person I will NOT stand for that. >:(
But neither a should person be hounded and provoked worse when they are already upset. Sometimes when others are screaming at us it's OK to just be sileant. Can't we look beound ourselves for a moment to see that this personis so much in pain they are screaming? Forget about the right and wrong of it for just a moment. Relax your panties and just be quiet and compassionate.  Let the person get to a place on thier own where they can feel better then later apoligies themselfves once they have  come back to thier sences. If they don 't apoligies and quite private chats are not working, move on.  But if it is so bad, don't talk to each other at all.  NO MORE GAINING UP ON PEOPLE! PLEASE.  I do care about you all. I  won't stand agains anyone though. I will stand with you, hear you out and try to help you with that.  I know how it feels to be made alone. Don't want it to happen to anyone else.