Saturday, June 18, 2011

Kill me with a spoon

Take a spoon and stab it in my heart it would be a kindness.
I don't want anymore of  your words I don't want more of your looks. They sicken me with it's deception , hypocrisy and self righteousness.
I have done wrong that is true. But why could you have not taken the time to guide and correct and show me your love? Instead you bark out orders and sneer at me when I struggle. You label me a fool, stupid, and incapable. So when I fall into trouble is it any wonder? I stumbled by mistake and took the fall alone. So fine. I will will be punished. It would have been easier if you had told me what would happen.If you could have told me witout malice and hate.
How often have you changed your story?
It confuses me and fill me with a hurt and frustration to hard to bare. But I had to bare it. You saw were satisfied and  looked away.
In front of others you were gracious and kind.. That showed me that you did now how and you did understand. My mind could not comprehend that you did not want to show me any. Nor could my heart. All the hurt you flung and bore me down with, it turned inward because I could not face the truth. You are my parents. What ever you did was right, So I have been taught and I believed. I put all my faith and trust in you.
Again, you saw this and viewed me and treated me with contempt. Sometimes subtle, sometimes open when you knew you could get away with it.
To others your humbleness was real. To me it was sick, obnoxious, and false. How I wished it was real. That and the kindness and compassion youpraded  before ev eryone.
It took me a while to come to this point. To stop swallowing  the bitterness and hurt shoved down my throat. To stop making excuses for you.I hate myself now. I always will
When I get the chance I will disappear and never come back. I will live by myself and never let anyone close. I will go where the hill meets the sea and the sun kisses the sand. I will be free. Free to live and free to die.
Just stay the hell away from me.


  1. They oughtn't have the right to even call you their daughter. Someone who did have the right would be entirely different from them, I know. They would be kind and understanding. I know all parents have to be hard sometimes, but what they do to you is far to extreme. It's awful. I hope you get away when your are ready and live your life happily with your friends and pets and whomever else you give the ability to call you a loved one. And I hope then they will see that they were so incredibly wrong and they miss you so much and weep in all night long every night for their missing child as they realize they don't deserve the right to even search for you and look you in the eye.
    I'll pray for you every night, as always, and hope things become so much better you don't have to leave as soon as you are able.
    ~hugs Kallista~

  2. Oh Kallista. You are such a good friend to me. There are no words to express the regret I have that you are going through this. No one as special as you should have to go through such inhumanity. Do not hate yourself, for you are a lovely and kind person. I wish I could be there and help you through this. Stay strong, and keep holding on.

  3. Oh God.

    Just know that however bad things are at home, we on the blog will always be there for you. Just remember that we're your friends, okay? You're a wonderful person, and someday your parents will realise they were horribly wrong.

    -hugs Kallista-

  4. Oh my god. I'm so sorry Kal :[
    I don't know what else to say. But please don't hate yourself ): Please don't listen to them. They're WRONG. You're not a fool. You're NOT incapable. And you're sure as hell not stupid.
    I wish I could actually give you a hug right now.

    I really hope you're okay :[ Please be okay.

  5. *protective warm squishy hugs*

    You are good. You are worthy. I wish there was something I could do other than just tell you so.

    You are wonderful in spite of them. I know parents' words are hardest to shrug off, but I hope you can believe in yourself, not in them.

  6. Listen to these people, they are right, you are more than worthy of their love, yet they do not give it, well screw them, they are not worthy of YOU. Find someone who appreciates you, or even better, start to appreciate YOURSELF, be happy in everything you do, even if you have to fake it, well, ive been told, if you fake it long enough, it becomes or might as well be called real...

    For what is reality other than how we perceive things individually?

  7. I know exactly how you feel, Kallista.

    And this comment is really short because, well, I'm speechless.

    I wish I could just teleport to you right now to give you the biggest hug ever.

    You are the most wonderful person ever, Kallista. Never forget that.

  8. Kallista. I wrote you a poem. I hope you like it.

    With their evil words
    They try to tear you down
    And upon your hopes and dreams
    They find it right to frown

    But that's because they can't appreciate
    Just how magnificent you are
    And they will never understand
    That you are the brightest star

    I am not the best writer
    Nor the best people-person around
    But what I'm trying to say is
    That for greatness you are bound

    So down with their glares, I say!
    Down with their words that slaughter!
    For they will never have the right
    To call you their daughter

    So cling to hope, my friend
    Never let it go
    For you are very dear and loved
    I want you to know

  9. *clings to Thalia instead and gives her a hug*

    I believe I am truely blessed beyond belief with such a great friend as you Thalia!

    Thank you!

  10. umm... why has this depressing post been put up by the most nutty, happy, random, and always trying to be kind, person that i know?... the world will now fall apart... DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUN!

  11. ...I don't know how to respond........


  12. ^Hell's yes we do.^ Nothing much else to add to that.

    Hey, i'm not sure what part of them is the worst for you, and even if you told me then I wouldn't know how to fix it. I can give you my prayers, a hug, and that's it. The rest you'll have to manage on your own. But there's not a doubt in my mind that you'll have the strength to do that. To live on.



  13. Oh what to say!

    Firstly I give you my thoughts and my prayers and a very big hug.


    I'm so sorry your parents are like this.

    *hugs Kallista*

  14. *hugs kallista*
    Sorry, my laptop is still in repair and this is one of the 5minute chances I have had to go on the upstairs computer when my sister isnt doing her project.

    Kallista, i can only echo what others have said. We love you and we care about you and it pains me that you have to go through this.

    You are such a kind and loving girl and you dont deserve this. *hugs kallista* there is nothing else i can say. it pains me that we cannot help you any more than to show our support and that we care about you. *hugs*

    I hope that the next time i speak to you, things will have inproved. but now, my sister needs the comp. *hugs kallista again* stay strong.

  15. Kallista.

    I'm sorry that I disappeared so abruptly when we were talking on Aquila's chat last night. My internet did its worse crash yet, and I could not revive it in the little time I had left on the computer. I'm very, very sorry and I feel really bad that this happened. I hope that you are not terribly upset with me and that we are able to talk again soon.


    Once again, I'm so sorry.

  16. *hugs and hugs some more*

    I'm so sorry about your cat passing away. :-( I'm sure she'll watch over you in angel kitty form forever.

  17. Kal I don't know what to say... i hope that you get away from them they dont deserve you!! they really dont!!
    you will prove them wrong i know it *hugs*

  18. *Hugs*
    I dont really know you, but just want you to know that not only are you a wonderful writer, you seem like a wonderful person :D

  19. we'll always be here for you kal, and we will always be kind to you *hugs*

  20. *hugs kallista*
    I have no idea who you are, but if you just heard a loud crack, that was my heart breaking. And if you were stuipd, would you be so BRILLIANT at blogging? and you seem like a wonderful person. *hugs again and smiles reasurringly*