Saturday, June 18, 2011

Kill me with a spoon

Take a spoon and stab it in my heart it would be a kindness.
I don't want anymore of  your words I don't want more of your looks. They sicken me with it's deception , hypocrisy and self righteousness.
I have done wrong that is true. But why could you have not taken the time to guide and correct and show me your love? Instead you bark out orders and sneer at me when I struggle. You label me a fool, stupid, and incapable. So when I fall into trouble is it any wonder? I stumbled by mistake and took the fall alone. So fine. I will will be punished. It would have been easier if you had told me what would happen.If you could have told me witout malice and hate.
How often have you changed your story?
It confuses me and fill me with a hurt and frustration to hard to bare. But I had to bare it. You saw were satisfied and  looked away.
In front of others you were gracious and kind.. That showed me that you did now how and you did understand. My mind could not comprehend that you did not want to show me any. Nor could my heart. All the hurt you flung and bore me down with, it turned inward because I could not face the truth. You are my parents. What ever you did was right, So I have been taught and I believed. I put all my faith and trust in you.
Again, you saw this and viewed me and treated me with contempt. Sometimes subtle, sometimes open when you knew you could get away with it.
To others your humbleness was real. To me it was sick, obnoxious, and false. How I wished it was real. That and the kindness and compassion youpraded  before ev eryone.
It took me a while to come to this point. To stop swallowing  the bitterness and hurt shoved down my throat. To stop making excuses for you.I hate myself now. I always will
When I get the chance I will disappear and never come back. I will live by myself and never let anyone close. I will go where the hill meets the sea and the sun kisses the sand. I will be free. Free to live and free to die.
Just stay the hell away from me.