Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Vindicated and Validated


 

A child born in sin but with intentions so true

Listening to what is taught and believing it

Honor and obey your parents

And listen to all they say

Devotion and a desire so strong to please

But failing at every turn.

Looking to you both for comfort and hugs

But you turn away too busy

Anger so fierce and strong as you tower over me

Not just one of you but two

A force too strong for my young soul

Believing every word you say

Branded forever in my soul

I never knew I was so bad

My heart told me another story

My mind thought I was just playing

Curious I wanted to explore

Never did I mean to be bad

But that was all you saw when you looked at me

Shame filled me and never left.

Sorry and destroyed I looked to you wondering

If I would ever be accepted again.

The answer would show itself to be a no.

If only I could go back to age three and never sin

Then I could be part of the family again

But I grew older and never perfect

Seeing once again as you turn your backs on me

Hands as hard as iron slap my cheeks

Shock rings through my body as my mind spins

What did I do wrong?

I laughed and joked with cousins

While you prayed in the next room

I had not realized you were praying.

I love God too! I did not mean to be disrespectful.

Maybe you warned us of your sacred prayer

But I didn’t hear

Too this day your slap rings on my soul

Remembrance of the shame that followed

As you simply walked away justified

Alone in a crowd as they stare and witness

The humiliation, followed by a billion more

Swallowing the memories bitterly

In dismay realizing it never goes away

There is more disgrace, more slaps

Throws, hitting, belts, and yanks.

Raising my voice in dismay, will you see my pain?

NO! In rage all you care about is the tone of my voice

And tell me I am being disrespectful

NO! That is not what was in my heart

But you refuse me

Why are you so angry with me?

You say you are not but your tone

And actions say another thing.

What? Do not read into anything?

Don’t read into your actions?

But that is what you have done,

What I have been shown as part of communication.

But you use this and other things to keep me off balance

I didn’t realize it when I was young,

Though I knew something was not right.

You too advantage of me when I was young.

Please see I need you

Pushed away in your wrath  

More burdens slammed onto me

And in confusion and much dismay you get away with it.

Weary already with this life I press on

Racking my brain how to survive all by myself

Using humor as a means.

Somewhat successful, I am encouraged

Seeing your kindness towards others I hope for some myself

Reaching out to you once again

When life has become too hard in school, church, every day.

In courage I share with you

Opening my heart to something else that hurt me

Surly this time you will put your arms around me

And tell me you are sorry that those people did that

That something bad happened,

And that you will stand with me

And help me to be strong and encourage me

But I am told I misunderstand

I am too sensitive. I am wrong.

You tell me one of these things or a combination.

Always, it is that. I am never vindicated or validated.

Hatred for myself has already been planted in me

It grows with every one of your words that tells me

Fingers point with hard voices

FORGIVE OR YOU WILL NOT BE FORGIVEN

Why did I come to you?

Because I believed you when

In a rare show of surface concern

You invited me to share.

Having this phrase of forgiveness

Thrust at me with faces hard and unmoving

Brought more guilt.

Excuses became reasons for my pain

Always someone is justified

That someone mainly you.

Lost and alone I push away

The unbidden truth that stings

Showing me that this is wrong

As I have read in the Bible

Your actions do not match what you preach

But you won’t listen

Tossing more anguish at me you see the pain

Reflected in my face and you turn away

I’m on my own

Do you not love me? I cannot endure this

I have to keep going

I cannot believe this

But every time I needed you and came to you

I was pushed away

Lectured with impatience

Scoffed at for my feelings

Rebuked for speaking my mind

I should know better

That’s what you told me

Believing you I grew up believing I was wrong

Ignoring the times I saw you freely expressing

Anger fear pain and sorrow at what life tossed your way

But unlike me

You were allowed and understood by others.

I could not handle the reality of betrayal for that is what it was

Unable to bear it I could not even identify the emotions and pain I bore

But I saw you knew and never reaching to help me

I was on my own

My struggles in school and life

I could not figure out.

Others saw that I had been kicked

And I was down and joined in.

Wishing to have a moment with you

Or any adult to help me

But the same faces would be before me

Embarrassment to be seen with me

Unwillingness and impatience

Sometimes casting words of semi helpfulness

I snatched them up like a dog

Eating crumbs fallen from a finely dressed table.

A greedy beggar I snatched them up and hoped.

 

Words against me shoot like guns ripping through my soul

Sending shock pain bewilderment through me

My internal info had told me you would understand

Had I not seen relatable cases with you, others, in stories?

I have seen you understand others with less.

But alone I am beaten with words too heavy to bear.

I have betrayed myself.

Your eyes lit up victoriously when you see me fall

Words still come unrelenting repeating phrases of my worthlessness.

In the past you have told me I was exaggerating. I was not.

The few times I came close to getting you to see I needed you

And that you were hurting me

More words and a different tactic were used.

“Others are in more pain then you!”

And

“People suffer worse around the world!”

Dismay rang out and more betrayal for you know as I do

How often I have mourned for

And came to you again, with the sadness I felt.

To you I turned for answers

But in a matter of fact voice

You would always tell me there was nothing I could do.

What? Surely there was something that could be done.

Don’t you tell me how wise you are?

I believed you.

To have that and other statements thrown unfairly at me

Tells me you hate me.

For how can a person do that to someone they love?

Feeling helpless in every situation is a horrible place to be

Beaten down but hardly acknowledged

It’s almost better that way

For when I was acknowledged for who I was

And how I felt, it would be treated with contempt.

As the years passed and my body grew

 Other torments surfaced.

With threats so vile

A whispered voice told me not to make a noise, not to move.

Hands hurt the soft parts, leaving bruises

Screams threatened to rip my throat as pain

Sharp and terrible racked my body.

Oh, God save me, I am sorry!

Never will I tell of the dark shame that covers me.

Different from any other shame it’s ugliness too hard to bare.

Turning to books and watching the stories told in movies and other media

I found the examples of what I wanted to be.

Alone I attempted to be what was good and brave

But you showed me I failed at every turn.

Life sucks, you would say indifferently to me

When once again I would foolishly crawl to you for ANY means of support

At times my anger would explode

Then have to bare the harsh rebuke and awful threats

That shot my way

Never a hug or a word of sincere kindness

Please someone help.

I turn to the pastor

I turn to the therapist

Pastor says my parents are gracious and understanding

They are allowed to be human

But I never said they weren’t allowed.

But it was shown and taught to me

And I had to live not being allowed that

My therapist asked if I was high strung

She told me to be grateful

More shame fills me

As I thought I was grateful for what I had

Little as it was.

Did I not ever express it?

I thought I had

But once again I am shown that I have failed.

Why live?

You can’t have everything, the therapist said.

All I want to do is be accepted by the few around me

To give love and to receive love, to do good to others

But all I can offer is filth and much like a dirty torn rag

You are privileged, my dad says.

I am wrong, twisted vile thing

Barely resembling a human

Never will I be able to rise from the dust,

Your boots to heavy on my broken back.

God please no more.
 
 
*This is a messy "poem" that will most likely make no sense to anyone but me. I am sorry about that. Ij ust needed to write it.

Monday, April 8, 2013

Leave Me Alone

At this point I really don't care if this "poem" flows or not. I'm still going to post it and not make it fancy or anything.


Just go away

Leave me alone

I’m tired of seeking you out

Just to be ignored

For all my hard work

Is never enough

I’ll never amount to much

It’s plain to see

Your brightness was what drew me to you

But you knew I was nothing

Just another adoring fan

A wanna be friend

But clearly my mind

Could never reach

The heights of which you flew

And your talent so rare

And lovely as a jewel

Brought others to you

More glamorous and lovely then I

Mediocre is the best I will be

So easy to be snubbed

By the people in your circle

So off I go

To be alone

So leave me alone

As you have been doing

I’m just one less fan

Among a throng

I won’t even be missed

But I will miss you all.

Monday, November 5, 2012

The Fool Of All Fools


There is nothing worse

Than being laughed behind your back

All this time you thought

Your “friends” laughed with you

But they laughed at you

Looking back in the past

You look at how you worked

So hard to be funny

And to make fun of yourself

Just so they could not make fun of you first

You just wanted to get there first

And to take out the sting

Of the mocking and laughter

It’s all you deserve but still

You don’t want it.

Yet it comes anyhow

And no matter what you tried

It fails and you still get mocked

And the sting comes and burns and humiliates.

Emptiness follows numbness

As you face the facts

That you are nothing

Nothing at all.

Just an object of scorn and mockery.

Monday, October 29, 2012

Never Really Loved


Never Really Loved

 

There is nothing harder

Than seeing your love,

Wanting to touch him,

To speak with him,

To hold him

To love him

But then you see

He has seen you

Yet he doesn't come near.

He merely glances at you

Then walks away

With no words spoken

In the opposite direction.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

The Slender Man


I sat at the ancient wooden desk, hunched over and staring uselessly at the opened books before me. Running a stressed hand through my long black tangles I sighed. Nothing was making sense to me. Once again I found myself momentarily distracted as I studied the artistic curves and carvings of the table where I sat. Intricate and masterful the handiwork spoke of skill that long has been forgotten.

It was a marvel to me that a public library had acquired such pieces for itself but perhaps not surprising. Everywhere I looked I could see that beauty and comfort was what this library was going for. Situated in a large bustling city of wealthy business people and artists alike, it was like a palace for all. Its domed roofs could sparkle in the sun beckoning everyone near and far to come in and take a look at its treasures. Enormous grand windows in the luxurious style of old Europe graced the exterior made up of stone and granite. Set higher in the building then a taller man, the windows provided privacy as well as an abundance of natural sunlight. From the inside, if one cared to, they could sit at one of the window seats and read. Polished wood gleamed elegantly throughout bringing a touch of warmth and old world for a fast paced modern city.

I always felt safe as I sat in one of the cozy armchairs that were situated around the elaborate study desks. It felt like a place where I could dream and those dreams could come true. How I longed for it to be one of those days. Instead I sat and tried to study facts that seemed beyond my grasp.  It had grown late, well into the evening.  More and more people had left and soon I was the only one there. Outside the window closest to me I could see as the streetlights turned on, their glow eliminating the dark.  It was beyond the light that held my interest though. A summer storm was brewing. Sitting up slightly I strained my ears for the first sounds of thunder. Lightning was flaring up in the distance setting the sky briefly on fire. It was a powerful display that never failed to thrill me.

Smiling slightly I turned back to the books in front of me. It was time to pack up and leave. The library would be closing in half an hour and I didn’t want to keep Mrs. Regan, the Librarian waiting or to be caught up in the storm when it hit.

It took me a while before I noticed a movement out of the corner of my eye. With a start I realized it had been going on for a few minutes just outside the window closest to me. Curious I turned my head to get a better look. There, just barely peeking over the edge of the window was the white top part of a head and it had stopped moving the moment I looked at it. For a moment nothing happened. Whoever it was just stayed perfectly centered underneath the window. Than with growing horror I saw it had turned its smooth head and now was looking straight at me. When had it moved? Gasping, I backed away in terror, suddenly feeling as if nothing was in between us.

A wall of books kept me from backing away any further. Just feeling something solid brought a certain amount of reality back to me. Taking deep breaths I talked myself down. There was no need to feel so jumpy. Closing my eyes I continued to calm myself, dispelling all my unreasonable fears. Must be the storm, I mused silently. Opening my eyes I glanced tentatively back to the window. The tall man was gone! A shriek echoed eerily throughout the library and then was abruptly cut off!

“Mrs. Reagan?” I called out bravely, hating the way my voice sounded so weak and pathetic.

There was no answer. All was still.  Feeling the fine hair from my neck stand up again I decided not to wait around. Feeling exposed I grabbed what I had in my bag and took off towards where I knew the restrooms were. My feet made the only sound as I swept past empty tables and more rows of books.  Rounding a corner, I stopped fast. The room I was in opened onto the main entrance hall which was where Mrs. Reagan was situated. Normally it was lit up brighter than a Christmas tree. Now it was dark.

Thunder burst out suddenly causing me to jump. It has sounded like a thousand cannons going off at once. Turning I fled from the hall. There was something that repelled me going any further into the main entrance hall. Cold sweat beaded on my forehead and the back of my neck as I could not shake the feeling I was being stalked.  With relief I arrived at the entrance of the bathrooms. Taking one more look around before entering, my gaze was pulled to the far corner of the room where some lamps where still turned on.  One look showed me nothing was there. Then I did a double take, my eyes zeroed in on the corner just beyond the lamps. It took a moment but then my eyes focused and I could make out a skinny shape of a person there; a ridiculously tall person. It was undoubtedly the same person I had seen outside the window. But….was it a person? Everything about it was wrong. A strange and unsettling darkness was around it, I could not quite make it out. Whatever it was, it was unnaturally still. Nothing made sense to my eyes. One thing I knew and that was to get out of there. The very sight of it repelled me and made me feel as if I had lost control over reality.

Tearing into the girl’s bathroom I turned and locked the door then backed away, holding onto a hope that this would protect me. For a while nothing seemed to happen but I could still not shake that heavy feeling of dread. Something was wrong.

To my horror, fog began rippling in through the bottom crack of the door. How could this be? This could not be happening to me. I was meant to be safe! But I had never felt so far from safe as I did in that moment. Sliding my back down the wall, I collapsed on the ground, my legs having given out to all out fear. Yet I could not even manage a scream. I could feel it there stuck in my throat.  But I knew any sound at all would draw attention to me and where I was.

Minutes passed as I kept a wary fearful eye on the fog. It seemed to be only a little that had seeped in. Perhaps I had overreacted. Trying hard to steady y breathing I nodded my head. Just to feel that bit of movement reminded me I was still alive. Whatever force was out there that was seeking my life, perhaps it was gone now. Perhaps someone would still come and help me and all would be ok. Almost I believed this. Then my head, heavy from stress and fear, tilted back against the wall. My eyes unwittingly rose upwards and it was then I screamed. A face was staring at me! Its blank face peered through the top of the old fashioned glass paned window of the wall above the door! It had been there this whole time! A memory came to me of a tale I had heard not long ago. It told of a creature just like this one. Could it be that I was to be a victim of the Slender Man?

All my energy, the last of it went into the screams. My voice echoed and the darkness coming from the being staring though the window seemed to swallow it up.This is it, Kallista, I thought to myself as the glass of the window shattered into a million tiny shards. Each one seemed to break apart in slow motion and my last thought was to stare at the glass and not at the multiple thin arms of black that stretched towards me. At last, even my voice failed me as I felt myself lifted up having been entwined in black. Silent and still I just hung there as I drifted off into unconsciousness. My final moment came when all at once the many hands of the slender man shot into me and through me. Pain, then madness, then nothing. I was gone.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Harry Potter FF Part Two


The doors to the Great Hall opened and in swept Tam and Wendal like leaves being blown about before a ominous tornado. Faces stricken with panic they made a bead line for Niko and Kal not pausing as they reach them. Instead the boys grabbed Niko and Kal by the arms and hulled them to their feet, rushing them to the opposite side of the Hall towards a smaller door.
“They are coming! The Headmaster and some of the Prefects!” Tam hissed under his breath at Kal's fearful questioning look. “Look! Even the house elves are in a panic.”
Kal barely managed a look over her shoulder to see the scraps of food left on the table disappear before she was shoved through the door. It closed abruptly but not before she caught a glimpse of the Headmaster striding in followed by a few slightly smaller figured in robes, presumably the Prefects as Tam said.
“What do you suppose....” Kal began, bewildered and looked around. They were in a small office with shelves full of books.
“Shhhh!” Tam responded, pressing his finger in warning against her lips while he pressed his ear to the door, listening.
Disconcerted, she looked cross eyed down at his finger which was still there on her mouth. Removing herself from his offending finger she glared at him then shoved Niko out of the way so she could listen in on the conversation inside the Hall too.
“I can't tell what they are saying!” Kal whispered in irritation as she repositioned herself several times before she was yanked back by Niko. He took her place by the door.
Kal was back on him in an instant. Wendal rolled his eyes as Kal and Niko engaged in a brief scuffle.
“Get off you booger!” Kal hissed as Niko pulled on her straggly hair while they rolled around on the floor, bumping into the shelves.
Tam ignored them all and continued to listen intently, leaving it to Wendal to handle them. Wendal did his job faithfully, rolling his eyes as he managed to pull them apart, trapping them both in a headlock.
“Thanks, you guys! Now I am missing what is happening.” Wendal growled at them.
“Sorry Wendal.” Niko simpered apolitically.
Kal sneered at him and reached around Wendal to honk his nose.
“Where are Blu and Ricky?” Tam asked, suddenly there beside them all. “We gotta get going! We've got trouble!”
“Dunno.” Tam answered, swinging his foot behind Wendal to kick Kal in the butt.
It was hard enough to knock her out of Wendal's headlock and propel her forward and onto the floor.
“Ooof!” The sound was knocked out of her.
“Brats.” Tam muttered as he headed towards the hidden panel. He slipped in leaving the others to follow.
Kal was too slow. The panel slipped back automaticly behind Wendal leaving her alone as she got up from the floor. Franticly she looked for the concealed lever that would allow her to re open the passage.
“Well, well, well.” A smooth voice startled her.
Whipping around startled, Kal quickly assumed the position of a Dud when faced with Quality: standing still with head down and eyes lowered.
A Ravenclaw stood before her, the most beautiful girl in the school. Serena Sinclair was everything Kal was not. Long silky black hair framed a perfect face that was graced with wide blue eyes fringed with long black eyelashes that had all the boys besotted. Soft pink lips formed in a mocking smile as Serena took in the pathetic figure before her.
“What have we here?” She asked as she walked closer, her voice was as lovely as she was. “Seems the rats are out to play.”
Kal said nothing as it was forbidden.
“On your knees Dud!” Serena demanded, every inch a princess. “I have need of that book up there.”
Kal knew the girl could have gotten the book herself using her wand, if indeed she wanted the book in the first place. But that was not Serena's objective and Kal knew that. Without hesitation she got on her hands and knees. She had done this before. All she had to do was everything demanded of her quietly and then she was sure she would be left alone. Cruel jabs to her back told her this would not be a quick episode but a long torturous one. Even though she was tiny and light in weight, the heels of Serena's boots dug into her back as she took her time getting the book. Beads of sweat lined Kal's tense face as she breathed carefully, struggling to keep still and keep Serena supported. It would be to her further harm if anything bad happened to Serena, who was so dearly loved and admired by everyone.
But Serena had other plans. As if a careless gesture, she let her wand slip from her fingers and fall onto Kal. The reaction was instantaneous.  Sparks spit out of the wand, a typical reaction when a Dud came in contact with any wand. Burning pain shot through Kal where ever the sparks landed; her head, face, back and arms. Try as she might she could not keep from flinching and crying out a scream of terror and anguish. The impact of her movement sent Serena teetering precariously on her back, the booted heals doing further injury.  Even through her agony Kal experienced a dread as she became aware that Serena had fallen off her bony back. It didn’t matter that Serena was ok and had landed safely in a soft sofa chair. The penalty for failing a Quality would be a harsh one. Fear manifested in large quantities as she looked at Serena’s smug features. It became apparent to her then that this was all that Serena had wanted. But why? The answer came a few moments later.
In walked a tall robed figure, the Prefect from Ravenclaw. At the sight of him Serena’s gorgeous blue eyes filled with tears and her body racked with sobs. In a rush the prefect was at her side. Tenderly he gathered her up in his arms.
“Serena, my dear! What happened?”
Kal should have made her move then and fled from them both towards safety. But she was transfixed to the spot where she sat huddled, trying to recover from the pain.  She knew who this was. In awe she had often watched him from the shadows. Even though he was young his fame was spreading across the wizarding world as a master poet, writer, and Quidditch player. Everything he did was like gold. He was the Purple Poet. His name was too good to be spoken by the likes of her.
“Oh, Octaboona!” Serena sobbed delicately into his shoulder. “That THING! That Dud attacked me!” Serena pointed dramatically towards the wretched figure on the ground.
Octaboona barely gave the woebegone figure a glace. Instead he picked her up and carried her from the room.
“There, there. It will be alright. Lets first get you back in the dorm then I will deal with the Dud later.” He assured her in soft tones.
He walked out through the second door, the same one Serena had entered in earlier.  It led out into a side hall which led into the main one.  In a quick pace he rounded the corner and almost ran smack into a fellow Ravenclaw. The boy was smiling a very pleased smile while straightening his tie. Octa noticed a few lipstick marks on his face. Suspicious he glanced the other way just in time to see a beautiful redhead disappearing though another door.
“Well, this seems to be a night in which the Ravenclaws are playing about rather then studying.” Octa teased with raised eyebrows.
“Speak for yourself, Octaboona.” Niall retorted, eyeing Serena in his arms pointedly.
“Hello Niall.” Serena smiled coyly and winked at him.
“Hello Serena.” Niall returned cordially but went no further.
It seemed he was one of few boys in school who were not smitten with her. For only an instant she pouted while thinking dark thoughts against Venice, the love of Niall. Then she tried another tactic.
“Oh, Niall! I was just attacked by a Dud!”
Niall raised his eyebrows in question at Octaboona.
“It’s true.” Octa replied grimly. “I saw the Dud myself just now. I will take care of it but first must get Serena back to the dormitory. She has had a nasty shock.”
“Why don’t you let me take care of it Octaboona.” Niall said as he pulled out his wand, striding back towards from where Octaboona had come. “You take care of Serena. If you see Ven please tell her I will be along shortly.”
Before Octa had a chance to answer, Niall was walking away with his wand ready.
By the time he got to the room where the sighting of a Dud had been, he saw no sign of it. One thing he knew and that was if the Duds were making themselves more known to the rest of Hogwarts, it would spell trouble for all of them, especially with the International Quidditch competition happening the next week. So may things were happening at once and the Ministry of Magic was placing it all on Hogwarts to be a perfect host to all the delegates who would come. Nothing could go wrong.

Just on the other side of the room, Kal hid in the passageway peering out at the dark haired boy who had come in with a determined look on his face. Shuddering she was glad she had made it backing time to the passageway. Turning away she limped back down the dark tunnel to where the rest of her mates were, holding burned arms around her sore middle.
When she got back to the dungeon that was home, she saw with relief that both Ricky and Blu were back. Both were the Dud’s newest additions. Still very young the two girls found them selves taken under Kal’s wing. So far they had managed to escape the wrath and humiliation of being a Dud. Kal hoped to keep it that way.
All eyes were on her as she gingerly made her way to the corner she had long claimed as her own. With a shuddering sigh she sank against the damp wall carefully, but she did not cry. Long ago it had been decided that tears were a wasted thing and while there was always encouragement to stay away from the Quality, there was no comfort when one failed and became an object of ridicule. Comfort bred the belief that one was important and thinking that one was important would lead to more crushing shame and grief. So Kal sat in her corner quietly while the others talked among themselves about what Tam had overheard.
“As we all know in a few days it will be Parent’s day then the Quidditch Tournaments. I have said it once and will say it again. Stay in the passageways. Do not attempt to go out into the open, even if the shadows appear deep and thick. There will be too many people about.” Tam urged them all.
“What about food?” Blue asked with big eyes.
Kal snuck a sidelong glance at the eleven year old girl wondering for the thousandth time of how it would have been so different for the girl had she not gotten burned as a toddler. Remnants of a beauty still hung about Blu’s tiny face marred by the scar across her features. Not wanting to look at her again Blu’s mother had sent her away to an orphanage, taking away even her name. Blu had gotten her  new name for the color she had turned while waiting outside the orphanage’s doors in the cold.
“We have been through tougher times Blu.” Tam spoke firmly to her. “We will stock pile what we can for the next few days so that we can be prepared. But if you are not careful you will become like Kal.”
Kal raised her head then and glared at him.
“I WILL make things better for them. Just you wait and see!”
“Go to bed Kal.” Wendal advised and laid himself down on his cot. “It’s impossible to be something that you are not. Can’t fight destiny. Now lets all get some sleep.”
Like lambs everyone did as Wendal suggested. Except for Kal. She sat all night with aching head in her hand thinking about her dream.
Early the next morning while the others waiting on the passageway like carrion crows for the Quality to finish their delicious breakfast and leave, Kal snuck towards the classroom where potions were taught. All she needed was a few supplies. She had read all about it in a book cast off long ago. If done right, the potion would aid her in a disguise to escape her treacherous life. If she was lucky, maybe she could get close to the Purple Poet.
Suddenly a shout ripped through the Hall echoing alarmingly. Kal whirled around in fear and shock that she had been caught. Then suddenly she was knocked into the air and tossed back into the hard floor of the castle. Gasping for air she struggled to remain conscious despite the pain in her head. It overtook every other injury at that moment.
A girl with long brown hair stood over her with a look of concern.
“Sorry about that.” She said in a friendly voice. 
“You are American.” Kal spoke, stunning herself with her nerve. She had just spoken to a Quality!
“I am!” The girl responded with a smile, apparently unaware she was talking with a Dud.
She must be new, Kal thought as she tried to sit up. Observing the girl, Kal noticed she was wearing the colors of a Slytherin.
“I am so sorry you got hurt.” The girl said with sympathy as she helped Kal up. “I was just messing around with a couple other friends. I guess we got a little carried away.”
The girl was joined by a couple Gryffindors and a Hufflepuff.
“There is a big match this weekend and I heard that talent scouts for Internationals teams are going to be watching, maybe to recruit.” The girl rattled on as she dusted Kal off.
“Uh, Lizzy.” One girl said under her breath to the Slytherin. “That is a Dud.”
“A Dud?” The girl, Lizzy laughed. “What’s a dud? You mean a milk dud?”
“A Dud is a witch or wizard who has a little bit of magic but no talent or power to wield it.” The Hufflepuff answered.
The Hufflepuff was tiny and appeared to be wearing glitter anywhere she could.
“That’s nonsense Mar and Lego. You don’t really believe that do you? What about  you, Thalia?”
The third girl who had approached looked up then from a book she was reading.
“What?” She asked, startled looking up from her book. “Where are we? How did I end up here?”
“I didn’t come up with it.” Lego shrugged. “I was just told about them when I arrived here. Never did see one before though.”
“You should be more careful with that blunger, Mar.” Lizzy said to the other girl as she jumped up to get the still bouncing ball from mid air. “Besides, your little stunt did nothing to impress me with your skills. I will still beat you in tomorrow’s game!”
Lizzy smiled mischievously as she looked at her friend, the Gryffindor’s Seeker.
Mar just grinned back wickedly and skipped off.  “We will see about that Lizzy, dear! Good luck with the Dud!”
Thalia wandered off after Mar immersed back in the book. Lego shrugged and walked off after them.
“You coming, Lizzy?” She asked, hopefully.
“Yep. In just a moment.” Lizzy said as she studied the Dud in front of her.
“I know!” Lizzy piped up suddenly making Kal jump.
She had kind of hoped Lizzy’s attention would go elsewhere and she could escape.
Instead Lizzy took out her wand and pointed it at Kal. The Dud felt her insides turned to jello in fear.
Then Lizzy did the unthinkable. She called out a spell, waved her wand with a flourish and all the missing hair on Kal’s head reappeared.
One of the Quality had just helped her; a Dud!
“I don’t know what happened to make your hair all spazzed out sweetie. But I recommend you avoid all that from now on!” Lizzy smiled and winked.
A second burst of light suddenly appeared and struck Kal in the head.
“This school needs more sparkle.” Lego said from up ahead where she was peering around the corner, eyeing them all with a matter of fact expression. Her wand was lowed after a job well done.
“Oh, Lego!” Lizzy cried out in astonishment as she viewed Lego’s handiwork. “You turned her hair PURPLE! And SPARKLY!”
“What is wrong with that?” Lego asked mildly as she inspected her own sparkly fingernails.
An announcement broke in on their interlude then by one of Hogwarts staff, speaking through magic so that she could be heard by everyone everywhere.
“All students are to meet back in the Great Hall in an hour to meet up with parents.” The voice said then droned on. “Also, would Legolas please refrain form using the sparkle spell to make Hogwarts glitter. All Herbology students in the advanced course are asked to come to the class room immediately to assist Professor Sprout in stopping the spelled tulips from dancing and creating further havoc. That is all.”
“Oh, Lego! You didn’t!” Lizzy cried out in a cross between admiration and shocked as Lego walked back towards her friend.
“I was bored.” Lego shrugged. “I really didn’t mean to make the tulips dance. I was just trying to change them all into ponies. We need ponies here. Pretty sparkly ones!”
Lizzy laughed and they high fived with their wands.
“We better get going if we don’t want to be late.” Lizzy said as she raced down the hall where Mar and Thalia had disappeared a few minutes ago. “You coming?”
She had stopped long enough to look at a dazed Kal who was busy running her hands through her newly restored purple sparkly hair.
“I…I…I am not allowed.” Kal stammered humbly looking down once again.
“Nonsense.” Lizzy said, walking back to her while taking off her robe. “Here, take this and wear it. I have another I can use. Live a little, girl. You can’t go back to the shadows now. Your hair is all purple and sparkly!”
“What IS your name, Dud?” Lego asked, not unkindly.
“Kal.” She answered simply.
“No. Not Kal, but Kallista.” Lego decided for the Dud. “Kallista means beautiful. Your hair is beautiful now. Better take the time to enjoy it now cause the Sparkle spell wears off after a couple hours.”
Kal watched in disbelief as Lizzy and Lego walked off. The whole encounter had just given her another idea, one she was sure would not fail, but she would need to act soon.

Monday, April 23, 2012

Harry Potter FF


There is a House of Hogwarts that is unspoken of; it is the invisible 5th house. For most people there is no knowledge of us, because technically we do not exist. But I am real. My fellow “classmates” are real. In the shadows we lurk, watching, always careful not to get caught for it is forbidden that we be exposed to the Quality students of Hogwarts. We are known by the few simply as the Rejects, or the Duds. In our House there are now only six of us. Once there was a seventh: a girl named Lena. She was sixteen when I first arrived. Then one day she was taken from us and we never saw her again. There are rumors that once we reach a certain age, we are then available for anything that the Ministry of Magic wants to do with us, things that are not suitable for any human nor which anyone would want to do to an animal, they being cute and worth something. Experiments, testing, and sometimes we are even used as bait when traps are set in the capture of wild, magical, and dangerous creatures such as dragons and werewolves.
The ones who are left in our small group are Ricky, Tam, Wendal, Blu, Niko, and me. We don't have last names for none of us have families. Some were born without families. Others like me were unwanted and cast off as soon as possible, a blight in the good family name.
Here are some facts about us. Our “House” colours are shades of grays. All that means is that we wear the cast off clothing of the poorest people and only in dark or gray colors. No bright colors are allowed. It would do us no good to be noticed. Being noticed brings more pain and harm.
We have no fine robes to put on. There is no need as we are not allowed access of the classrooms. We have no wands for no wands would choose us .The last time one of us had tried to hold a wand, it zapped us.
Our “House” is located in one of the dungeons. It is the farthest dungeon located deep underground of the castle. It is forgotten as we are.
Born with a touch of magic but with no talent the Sorting Hat had rejected us before it touched our heads. I will never forget the isolation and shame as I had to walk back down the great Hall by myself several years ago after being rejected by all the great houses. All eyes had averted from me and suddenly I existed no more.
Yet I was not allowed to leave. Just that little bit of magic that I had, that my fellow mates had, could prove to be trouble some for the rest of the magical community and muggle community alike. We had to be contained and stowed a way. We are an eyesore that must be hidden away. These are our stories.

Kal looked up from where she has been writing by the light of a single candlestick and blinked her bleary eyes. Everyone else had gone. Probably to the Great Hall, she thought to herself as her stomach rumbled. Often, she and her fellow Duds would sneak to the Great Hall and glean crumbs left from the feast for the Quality. If she didn't hurry, she would go hungry for another day. Gingerly she set the faded diary down, careful of her burned hands, the result of a wand not wanting to be handled by a Dud.
Making her way slowly down the narrow dark passageway, she kept to the shadows mindful of the pain in her chest. With labored breath she struggled up the stairs, the events of that afternoon still fresh on her mind. She had meant to write them down before she forgot. It was for other Duds that she wrote for least they go through some of the events she and her other “House” mates went through.
Earlier that afternoon she had not been as careful as she should have been. Caught by a group of Slytherin students she had become a target for spell practice. Forced to endure spell after spell she had kept silent while they laughed.  When they were done she had lain quietly on the ground until they were gone.
Holding tightly to her side she wondered if it was worth it to continue to climb up the stairs for some food. More growling from her stomach answered her silent question. It seemed that not even a few possibly cracked ribs could keep her appetite away. Ignoring the cold hard stone under her bruised bare feet she pressed on.
At this time of day, the hallways of Hogwarts were empty, most of the Quality and staff were in their own dormitories, studying and relaxing. Even so Kal didn’t trust the safety of the shadows. Taking the hidden tunnels that so few knew about was the best choice. Along the way there were peep holes where spies of old would listen in on conversations. Now Kal used them to see if the coast was clear. Seeing no one around she opened the secret panel that was across from the doors of the Great Hall. Double checking to make sure no one was around she scurried like a rat across the floor and entered in cautiously. The sounds of food consumption could be heard and she knew before turning around she would see her companions sitting there on the floor surrounded by the scraps they had found. She hoped there would be some left for her.
“Bout time you got here Kal!” Niko grinned with mouthful of chicken. “If you don’t hurry the House Elves are gonna come and take away the rest of the food.”
His raggedy appearance was the same as hers. Thin and pale, his dark hair was a wild mass of tangles. Once she had tried to comb her own hair in an attempt to look presentable much to the enjoyment of the others. It had not worked. Instead the brush got knotted in her hair and she ended up having to hack away at sections of her wild mane. Now she was bald in some spots with a few remaining long strands of dark hair that half covered her awkward face.
Swiping a piece of bread she made her way over to him, always mindful of her surroundings.
“Where are the others?” She asked in a hushed tone as she sat down next to him.
“Already done eaten.” Niko said as he stole half her bread.
She made no move to recover it. Her sides were hurting so badly.
“I am so tired of this.” She murmured glumly.
“Of what?” Niko asked, unconcerned. His focus was now on a beautiful juicy red apple.
“I am tired of living this way.” She answered as she looked up at the darkened high ceiling.
Earlier she knew it had been alight with thousands of floating candles. Warm, bright, and magical the Great Hall had been inviting. Now it was cold, dank, and dark.
“No use thinking about it Kal.” He shrugged. “It’s our lot. Ain’t nothing is gonna change. By the way, you are more banged up then usual. Was it Slytherin this time? Or was it Ravenclaw like last time?”
He laughed at her while shaking his head. “You need to be more careful.”
“I thought I WAS being careful.” She retorted and angrily stuffed the bread into her mouth. “And I WILL make things change. Just you wait and see!”
Talking with her mouth full while making bold statements did not agree with her.  Lurching forward, her body racked with spasms as she coughed and choked.
Niko patted her back with a look of alarm. His eyes swept towards the door nervously.
“Kal! You are gonna get us caught!” He hissed.
But even as her violent coughing subsided he knew it was too late. The grand doors of the Great hall were opening. Someone was coming!